Dear Dawgs,
Where are the best spots I can sleep overnight at Garfield? I have made many attempts to stay overnight but continually get caught. I’m worried that if I don’t succeed, I will never be at school on time. My house is a whole hour away and I need to make my 1st period teacher proud. He said that I won’t get pancakes at the end of the year pancake party if I don’t lock in. I neeeeed pancakes. Please help!
Concerned,
Sneaky Squatter
Dear Sneaky Squatter,
Do not fret! There are many good spots that one can find cover for an overnight stay at Garfield. Most notably within the many trash cans on campus. The trash bags themselves are great for insulation and will keep you warm for your overnight stay–just like a sleeping bag! If you’re worried about the smell just use any trash can from the boys locker room. Surprisingly, it will smell better in the trash can than in the room itself! Furthermore, you can often find leftover food and snacks to satisfy any overnight cravings that you may have. If you’re really lucky you might even find some lollipops, and even better, someone may have already taken the wrappers off and saved you some time! If a staff member finds you just play dead. No one will suspect you as an overnight squatter but instead just another one of the dead bodies in a trash can on campus–another casualty of the GHS basement. Trash cans are the perfect hiding spots that no one would ever expect for your overnight extravaganza.
Sincerely,
Dawgs
Dear Dawgs,
What are the best parking spots for when back-in is full? My mom says I just need to leave the house earlier, but then I wouldn’t have time for my morning bubble baths, and I refuse to give that up. I’m in dire need of assistance.
Best,
Puzzled Parker
Dear Puzzled Parker,
Don’t worry! There are many reliable parking spots by Garfield. But, the best one is easily Dr. Hart’s personal parking space behind the track. It’s closer to the front door so you can easily get to school on time. No more treacherous speed walks as you hurtle your way towards Garfield at 8:45am. Also, you literally get free chauffeurs that will move your car after you enter the building to clear up the space for Dr. Hart! They’re known as car movers and they relocate your car to a safe place. The best part, it’s free! After school ends, just head to the dump yard where your car was towed to, and if it’s not impounded, just wait until it gets dark. Then it’s time to strike. Make sure to fly your helicopter low enough so that your neodymium magnet gets a good attachment on your car. From there, just simply air lift it out and put it down wherever you wish! Goodluck bulldog, and may your helicopter’s blades spin fast and swift!
Lovingly,
Dawgs
