The Garfield Messenger

Important Dates

Unrelated to April Fools, here are some dates to look out for.

Molly Chapin • April 9, 2021

The Music Department Mixtape

Behind the scenes: Garfield music teachers' secret rap careers.

Matt Lord • April 9, 2021

If you think you know Garfield’s music teachers, think again. Jared Sessink, Blake Saunders, and Bryan Kolk have been secretly recording trap bangers after hours at Garfield, and are ready to release...

The College Board Apologizes

Is this a publicity stunt?

Alwin Ma, Staff • April 9, 2021

Disclaimer: This is a satirical opinion article, and the sentiments within this piece do not necessarily reflect the Messenger's views as an organization. The College Board. The non-profit organization...

Garfield Graffiti

A recent string of graffiti has left Garfield students and staff stumped.

S. Avalon Leonard and Julia Wartman • April 9, 2021

On the morning of April 5th, faculty entered our beloved Garfield High School building for the first time in over a year to begin training for school re-opening, and were shocked to find a variety of messages...

Shaw’s Quote Corner

A collection of the best quotes from Mr. Shaw. Enjoy!

Kai Vennemann, Staff • April 9, 2021

Below is a compilation of quotes from Garfield science teacher Zachary Shaw which students have collected over the past two years. We have taken great care to select those quotes which are most representative...

The Most Correct Bad Math

How you never learned fractions, your algebra teacher lied to you, geometry's a hoax, derivatives aren’t math, and proofs are actually creative.

Rylee Bundesmann and Kai Vennemann • April 9, 2021

How To Simplify Fractions When in doubt, take the simplest approach. It makes sense why teachers have kept this secret: it’s too good to be true! Bet You Didn’t Learn This In...

News Briefs: Two Lies & a Truth

International Maritime Organization announces “drivers test," Italian mafia turned gourmet cook, and self-administered vaccine mishaps.

Rylee Bundesmann and Adam Friesz • April 9, 2021

Small Waterway Drivers Test to be Required After the Ever Given cargo ship ran aground in Egypt’s Suez Canal in Egypt, blocking maritime trade for six days and causing a 244 ship traffic jam lasting...

Garfield’s Mascot Doggedly Comes Out as Against the COVID Vaccine

The GHS bulldog makes a controversial announcement.

Riley Perteet-Cantu • April 9, 2021

Disclaimer: This is a satirical opinion article, and the sentiments within this piece do not necessarily reflect the Messenger's views as an organization. In a shocking announcement appearing on...

COVID Corner

Updates on the relief bill, new variants, and King County vaccinations.

Rylee Bundesmann, Staff • March 19, 2021

COVID-19 Relief Bill Overview: On March 11th, President Joe Biden signed the American Rescue Plan Act of 2021 into law, after Congress narrowly passed the package on March 10th. The $1.9 trillion bill...

Project Prevent

Student-run organization helps homeless during pandemic.

Maya Shelton • March 18, 2021

Everyone has struggled during the pandemic, but Seattle’s homeless population is an exceptionally impacted group, and one that doesn’t often receive as much attention. Project Prevent is a student-run,...

SPS vs. SEA

Seattle Public Schools takes on the teachers' union over re-opening debate.

Zac Meyer • March 18, 2021

On Friday, March 12th, Washington Governor Jay Inslee issued a proclamation stating that by April 5, all kindergarten through sixth grade students throughout the state must be given a hybrid...

NASA Lands Yet Another Mars Rover

The 2020 mission could be the key to unlocking billions of years worth of history on the Red Planet.

Kai Vennemann, Staff • March 18, 2021

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration’s (NASA) landing of a fifth Mars rover last month gained widespread media attention. Landing the rover, however, was only the first of three missions,...