Top five
#1 Chance- Vegas Golden Knights S: 5 R: 5 Z: 5 C: 6 B: 4 total: 25
Controversial I know, but just look this guy up okay? His illustration here doesn’t do him justice. The kind eyes, that friendly smile. His head is impeccably sculpted, with a bone structure you’d expect from a Hollywood star, not a hockey mascot. Chance is a gentle giant if ever there was one, and the winner of our ranking.
#2 Gritty – Philadelphia Flyers S: 4 R: 5 Z: 5 C:4 B: 5 total: 23
The legend himself. No mascot list would be complete without him. Gritty maxes out his stats in all but 2 areas, smoochability, due to an overly hairy upper lip, and chillitude, because as much as we love Gritty, if you value your life and sanity, you should not, under any circumstances, pass to him.
#3 Wild Wing- Anaheim Ducks S: 3 R: 5 Z: 5 C: 3 B: 5 total: 21
Wild Wing is a badass, exuding pure 90s comic-book energy. However he loses points in a similar way to Gritty. The smooth curve of his bill severely complicates the logistics of smoochability and while his intense aura may intimidate the other team, this is not a duck you can take to the library study sesh.
#4 Sabretooth – Buffalo Sabres S: 4 R: 3 Z: 5 C: 5 B: 3 total: 20
This is a mascot design done right. Sabretooth’s cartoonish design may lose him points in power, but one look at the friendly, fuzzy face makes it all worth it. Not too humanized, not too taxidermy-esque, Sabretooth is one fantastic tiger.
#5 Stinger- Columbus Blue Jackets S: 2 R: 4 Z: 5 C:3 B: 4 total: 18
Now this is one cool guy. Stinger’s design is reminiscent of the mid 2000s Invader Zim fad in the best possible way. While his pointed mouth may defy all but the most dedicated smoochers, no one can deny this bug is the real deal.
Bottom five
#5 Buoy- Seattle Kraken S: 3 R: 2 Z: 3 C: 3 B: 2 total: 13
In the grand scheme of things, buoy is frustratingly inoffensive. Looking like a character straight out of an underperforming Pixar movie, the only thing that stands out about this troll is the missed potential.
#4 Victor E Green – Dallas Stars S:0 R: 2 Z: 3 C: 5 B: 2 total: 12
A poor man’s Gritty. Missing a mouth entirely, Victor receives the lowest possible score on smoochability. In fact his position is only saved by being made entirely out of that ‘special green’, bringing his chill score up to max, the only thing that might incline you to ever pick him over Gritty.
#3 Spartacat – Ottawa Senators S: 1 R: 3 Z: 2 C: 2 B: 1 total: 9
From his soulless eyes and missing teeth to his greasy hippie hair, there’s nothing that hasn’t already been said about how much Spartacat sucks. This is possibly the least controversial ranking on the list, and for good reason.
#2 Harvey the Hound- Calgary Flames S: 0 R: 2 Z: 2 C: 3 B: 1 total: 8
Named the worst NHL mascot in 2022, it’s safe to say Harvey is disturbing. His empty eyes are something that could only be constructed by a madman, and his loose and lolling tongue is deeply off-putting. No good!
#1 Youppi!- Montreal Canadiens S: 0 R: 1 Z: 1 C: 4 B:1 total: 7
Ah, what to say about Youppi! ? That the attached exclamation point is beyond tacky? That he’s literally just a guy? That the soft triangular proportions of his face push him straight into uncanny valley territory? All of this and more can and should be said about the NHL’s worst mascot. And I will say it! This orange man is worse than any poorly made dog costume or mismatched mascot. This guy sucks!
