Garfield’s Mascot Doggedly Comes Out as Against the COVID Vaccine

The GHS bulldog makes a controversial announcement.


Disclaimer: This is a satirical opinion article, and the sentiments within this piece do not necessarily reflect the Messenger’s views as an organization.

In a shocking announcement appearing on the GHS app, Garfield’s beloved Bulldog mascot publicly came out against the COVID vaccine, despite the advice of scientists around the globe. Promptly after the notification early this afternoon, a hasty announcement from GHS administration stated that the bulldog’s outburst was “repugnant” and that all Garfield merchandise featuring the bulldog will be recalled. In response to questions for comment, the bulldog barked, “Woof!,” drinking “water” from a solo cup.

The Messenger’s canine translation team loosely interpreted this statement as: “I really can’t trust this vaccine, its got needles and its sharp and it probably hurts, which means it’s DEFINITELY dangerous. Besides, can I even get COVID? I’m a dog for Pete’s sake.”

Garfield administration has since expanded on their initial denouncement of the hound, stating that the dog’s actions were “cowardly” in a moment where courage is needed, and that they were exploring other mundane school mascot options such as “nondescript wolf ” as the bulldogs replacement. 

The Roosevelt Rough Rider has since chimed in on Twitter, stating that, “as a mascot, it is our duty to uphold the rigorous scholarship of this nation, and the words of a certain individual this evening are nothing but a doggone shame in the context of said duty.”

The bulldog bit back however, tweeting a reply stating that they were “barking up the wrong tree” and that this situation pales in comparison to the rumored affair between the Rough Rider and Franklin’s mascot Ben the Quaker. 

The Garfield administration has committed to “ensuring that the building’s iconography is kept on a tight leash” going forward, and has since hired painters to gloss over the bulldog’s image and make way for an interim mascot, the humble letter G.

At the time of publication, the bulldog has contracted COVID, and is directing all requests for comment to their veterinarian.