“A secret oasis.” “Like a sea in the middle of the desert.” “A Michelin star experience.” All of these quotes have been used by teenage boys to describe the girls’ bathroom. The girls’ bathroom remains a mystery for many of the male population, and they have replaced their lack of answers with their creative imagination. The Messenger gathered a panel of teenage boys at Garfield to hear their best guesses of what goes on in the girls’ room.

One Garfield senior said that he imagines the girls’ bathroom “is a very pampered experience” and “a lot more dignified than the men’s room.” He continued to say that he “believes there’s probably a couch in there, one of those couches that doesn’t have the back on it.” A chaise lounge is most likely what he is referring to. Another Garfield sophomore asked with confidence “Wait, they don’t poop do they?” He received no answer to his question. 

One of the biggest mysteries surrounding the girls’ room is why they take so long; especially if they are not pooping. “I know that often they like to go in groups and I hear girls talking like, ‘Hey, in five minutes, do you want to go to the bathroom with me?’” said another sophomore boy. Another theory is that “they’re trying to spend as much time getting out of the horrid, dirty environment of the classroom.” This one seems to be the most plausible so far.

Some boys have claimed to see smoke coming out of the girls’ bathroom. The only possible explanation? A smoke machine, according to one of the Messenger’s most well regarded editors Kian Naemi. “They obviously have a smoke machine to make the ambiance nicer, right?” Right Kian…

A more controversial take from one of the boys is that the luxury of the girls’ room is why “we don’t have anything in the boys’ bathroom and that we need to revolt against the feminist matriarchy.” There was no further explanation.

When asked which bathroom was better, the boys made a unique comparison. “It’s sort of like McDonald’s versus a fine dining restaurant. Sometimes you want that wonderful Michelin star experience, but other times you just have to eat. You go in, you go out, and it’s pleasant.”

All of these theories, while very creative, are still just theories. If the boys want to figure out the truth of what goes on behind those closed (and usually locked) doors, they will have to find the courage to go in themselves.