Confession:

I enlisted my student into xhe militaoui. Xe is set to staht training in eh montsh and eh half. I zon’t know what to do. Je suis perdu! Zough, i will say that xe had it coming. I had this SOB en my first class period of xhe day. Eveoui day, witshout fail he would epproach moi witsh xhe most agitating, grating voice and say, “Monsieur Pompadour did you watch the game last night?” NEAUW. I did NEAUTT watch xhe game last night. NEAUW i don’t know xhe score! Enyways, xe is head was fully shaven alouidy, so i tshought, why not? If you like games so much, why not make like xhe game, and get out of mih classroom?! TSAH!! Xhe parwents now have me on xhe file as eh hazard warning. Must I succumb to societehl consthruct, or shall i reign as pompadour. I now have en account witsh www.navy.com to be phrepared in xhe face of eny phresent dangerhs, such as eh student delinquient. Tshough, i due have a guilty conscience that whill taeke measures to shake eff.

Confession:

So…I did a thing. I have something actually crazy to confess, like can’t take me anywhere level of crazy. I’ve been meaning to get this off my chest for a while, and I feel like now is the time because it’s actually sooo crazy. I just don’t know how people are going to react to this because it’s lowkey wild. I feel like people already know because everyone has been staring at me, and at first I thought it was because of my haircut, but I think it’s because they know the really crazy thing I did. So you know how all the bathrooms are closed? I’ll tell you one thing, it’s not just because of positive affirmations “vandalized” on the walls.  It’s because of the crazy thing I did…yeah lol ik. 

Rate Your Professor:

Does my teacher have other people to ramble to other than his tired students? I only have to wonder… even though he’s there to teach us calculus, he’ll randomly quote the, “48 laws of power” and somehow force it into a derivatives problem. How am I gonna find the slope while also learning how to psychologically dominate my enemies?? Another day he’ll drift into the existential nature of Korean soap operas mid-lesson. He also vaguely mentioned his aberration to women taller than him and how he “loves climbing trees”, now I’m questioning if it’s an Oedipus complex. I whole heartidly hope this individual finds the career that will fill his colorful passions, I just dont think its in a classroom.

Am I the Asshole?

Whenever I’m in the intimately small sauna at the meredith mathews  YMCA and it’s just me and maybe one to two others, I feel a necessary urge to troll total strangers. No safe small talk or caution. No way. We break out with “so, ahem …what is the meaning of your existence”? Or “have you ever killed someone on purpose or by accident?” Some people are genuinely intrigued and match the energy, which is great, but then I keep going and the questions get more personal and the vibe can get teeth grindingly uncomfortable. That’s when I break out the heavy biblical quote like a Matthew 24:36, which states, “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.” and say, pray for the children … followed by a long deafening silence. What if my subjects try interacting with me outside of the sauna AITA?

Missed Connections:

01/23/26: We were both pooping in the gender neutral bathroom and right when I was about to ask to hit your vape you passed it under the stall like you were reading my mind. You were wearing flip flops without socks and you had a wart on your heel that pulsed every so often. I left the stall before I could ask for your number because I was soooo nervous. Respond back with what class period we were in and I’ll give you my number. 

06/13/25: Last Purple and White I saw you coming out of the gym after your Freshman orientation and we smiled at each other. Then when I was turning in my PE waiver so I could graduate on time (Class of 25!), I saw you and your friend group getting froshed in the hallway. You were supposed to take a jello shot in the bathroom but you said you wanted to be sober until at least third period. Anyway, I’m headed to UW next year, so I’ll be local. Let’s meet up at Purple and White this year- drinks on me!

Am I the Asshole?

I (17M) had been looking forward to senior assassin for my entire high school career. Ever since I was a doe eyed freshman, I’d stalk the ghs assassin Instagram page to watch people get eliminated. I’d been plotting my path to victory for years, and my plan was clear to get the cash prize. When I was assigned my first target, I was the most ready I’d ever been in my entire life and luckily… I had their address 😈. I decided to venture to their casa on a sunny Saturday afternoon when I knew they were at baseball practice. I crept into their backyard and peered into their kitchen window and just my luck – no one was home. I sneakily pushed up the window and climbed inside the house. I made my way up the stairs and hid in their hamper, putting the lid above my head. I hid there for hours until I heard the door creak open. This was my moment. I whipped out my water gun and sprung up out of the hamper, shooting it at the person in front of me. I suddenly realized that I was not shooting at my target… It was Bertrum from Jessie. Oopsies, it was not actually my target’s house, it was in fact the set of the show!! Silly me. Then I got licked in the ear by Mrs. Kipling. Bertrum is now scarred for life, am I the asshole?