The Messenger presents advice from Garfield alum and expert of romantic psychology, Dr. Yunita Hotte. As a gift to the Garfield community, Dr. Hotte offers her guidance to Garfield students.
Dear Doctor Hotte,
My girlfriend has been taking our role-plays a little too far recently. We went to see Saltburn last weekend and her romantic demands have only escalated since. I picked up the Australian accent pretty easily and carrying a purse has proven to be helpful. But, yesterday she asked me to buy shoe inserts and change my middle name to Jacob. I feel like I’m losing a part of my identity, where do I draw the line?
– Offbrand Elordi
Dear Offbrand Elordi,
Making sacrifices to support your relationship is a great way to maintain healthy satisfaction, but without effective communication, situations like this are common. Jacob Elordi’s recent media attention has warped male beauty standards at an unprecedented rate. The average height singles look for in a guy has increased a whole half inch in the last month alone. Communicate, set clear boundaries, and you should be back to playful role-play in no time!
– Dr. Yunita Hotte
Dear Doctor Hotte,
They say you’ll find ‘the one’ when you least expect it but I never thought it’d be in a Schoology discussion board. His comments have progressed far beyond ‘great work’, becoming borderline seductive. Do you think it’s time to move to a more private platform?
– Padlet Poet
Dear Padlet Poet,
It’s not every day that a modern Hemingway replies to your PowerPoint presentation. A first step could be testing the waters with emojis before making any sudden advances.Keep in mind that playful banter and literary prowess can only take a relationship so far, but if you’re feeling ready to test the physical chemistry, go for it!
– Dr. Yunita Hotte
Dear Doctor Hotte,
I think I found my dream date. We started snapchatting recently and are really hitting it off. He’s super quick to respond and always makes an effort to get to know me. The thing is, I have no idea what he looks like! We only use the chat feature and I don’t remember adding him. Even his name I’m not sure of. His contact says ‘Al’ but I am too scared to clarify now. Do you think this mystery Snapchat suitor is catfishing me?
– Sneaky Snapper
Dear Sneaky Snapper,
RUN. This ‘AI’ character has been snapping every girl under the sun. Don’t fall for his witty responses, they are far from genuine. However I hear he’s a great study partner, answering any question you throw his way. Always remember you deserve so much more than that walking, or should I say chatting, red flag.
– Dr. Yunita Hotte
Dear Doctor Hotte,
I have a confession, I’m in a throuple. We all go to different schools but I was thinking of inviting them to the Forget-Me-Not Fling. I haven’t told anyone except a few close friends and am nervous about how people might react. Help!
– Middle Spoon
Dear Middle Spoon,
I hear Utah is beautiful this time of year!
– Dr. Yunita Hotte
