Calling all gingers! Garfield’s biggest sporting event of the year is coming this week! Gingers from all walks of life are sprouting from the darkest corners of the dawg pound to represent their culture and raise money during a district-recognized activity, The Great Ginger Run! Pack your sunscreen and your pots of gold Bulldogs cause this year’s run is sure to get feisty.
While most Garfield gingers don’t suffer from a lack of representation, the run does bring out a competitive spirit. Junior and first-time ginger runner Al Feigin excitedly declared,“This is making me feel more like a ginger. But I have to prove that I’m the best one.” Redhead’s passion shines, despite the fact that there is no actual winner of the run, declaring they will be the best for the sake of their heritage. Senior and ginger runner in training Darien Cole repeated this after being asked how this run is important in owning his identity. “I’m just so fast, dude, you don’t even know… **** those other guys. I’m faster than them.”
Gingers explain that as a community, Garfield must show love to its fiery peers, but first must understand what it takes to make a ginger-safe environment. “We’re really sensitive to the cold because we don’t have souls to warm us up with. So young gingers need blankets.” Feigin said. We often neglect the sensitivity of our palest peers. For them, aloe vera and sunscreen are necessities yet every year they pay thousands of dollars just to stay safe. “Gingers feel more pain. Scientifically proven,” senior and famed ginger runner, Ollie Mazner, said. Keep this in mind, normal peers, when making fun of gingers for being so red.
There are mixed emotions from all-natural gingers about the participation of non-natural ‘gingers’ in this year’s Great Ginger Race. Mazner reassured, “If they’ve done their learning and realized what community they’re part of and committed to that, then I see no problem.” In harsh contrast, Feigin strongly advised against this idea. Through many tears and beet red freckles, Fegin said, “ I get made fun of for being a ginger and this person gets all the profits of the absolutely amazing hair color, but then you ask and they go. ‘No, I’m not actually a ginger. I still have a soul.’”
Bulldogs it is clear we have much to work on when it comes to highlighting our little leprechaun friends, but how can you do better? “Well, the biggest problem I see with being a ginger is the Ed Sheeran comparisons,” Feigin said, “honestly…It’s a big problem and I know a lot of young gingers especially, are really struggling with it.” The effects of these comments on young gingers are detrimental and create unhealthy stereotypes. “We’re not all Irish, contrary to popular belief. Some of us are also Scottish,” Mazner clarified. These stereotypes can be combated with the proper pro-ginger resources. “I think we need a Ginger Outreach program,” Feigin said. He opened up about a time when he wanted to attend a non-ginger event.“I couldn’t go because I was stuck at the bottom of my rainbow. I had to protect my gold.” Not all gingers need the same aid however as Cole said gingers need “privileges such as the right to a rocket launcher”.
Bring your sunglasses and show your support for our palest group! Don’t miss out or the ginger recessive gene will activate in you! In the famous words of Mazner, “The ginger spirit finds it’s way.”
